Silent Saturday

This year, I was listening to a Holy Week reading plan where the speaker read all the verses from the Bible associated with each specific day of this week looking to Easter.  Every day had something except for Saturday.  On that Saturday between Good Friday, the day Jesus died, and Easter Sunday, the day He arose, Scripture is silent. 

Though it’s not recorded in Scripture, I can only imagine what life and conversation was like among the disciples and followers of Christ who grieved the loss of One whom they loved and gave everything to follow…now what? The whispers around town and the unsurety of where to go from here.

This season for me has felt like a Silent Saturday.  Whispers and wrestling go on in my head but I wonder, where have You been?  Why can’t I hear You?  Will this darkness ever end and You bring light again?  Will I always slog through grief and wondering where to go from here?  I’ve followed Your lead so far but now the road ahead looks so unclear.  In Nehemiah it says that “the joy of the Lord is my strength,” but Lord, I feel neither joy nor strength.  I feel worn of trying to cling to Truth while battling relentless lies.   Where is Your salvation for these dark days?

So on this Silent Saturday, I will cling to the hope of Your presence.  That redemption is coming.  That You can make even this ugly mess, beautiful in time. 

Skeletons in the Closet

I shuffled down the hallway,

Unlocked the bedroom door,

Inspected the closet,

Disheveled items all over the floor.



For a long time this was on lock down,

But recently I ripped the door of its hinge,

If you want to get rid of the skeletons,

You have to breathe life on them again.



Shine the light on the dark corners,

Confront the webs of strife,

In order to fully deal with the past,

Those dry bones must come to life.



So I continue to hunt the spider,

I’ve grown more comfortable with an opened can of worms,

Because though it continues to be a process,

I want to find healing and live life on my own terms.



God, shine a light on the darkness,

Though I am only a jar of clay,

I pray that You mold me and shape me,

So that not only will healing be mine, but put You on display.

Joy Lynn

Once Upon A Silent Night

So many years ago

On a seemingly silent night

I wonder if You heard

A young girl and her cries

She did not know the risks

She was far too young

She gave up everything

All in the name of love



Though You did not swoop in

You didn’t stop it at the time

I imagine You were there

Beside her as she asked “why?”

You listened close to her whispers

You offered Your presence

In the midst of her pain

Promising nothing would be in vain



Immanuel, God with us (Matthew 1:23)

I ask You to be with us now

For we are broken

Shattered within

On yet another silent night

Hear our lonely cries

Grant us healing and humbling

Even if we never know the why’s



Jesus, sent to save us from our sins (Matthew 1:21)

Come and cleanse us from within (Psalm 51:2)

From both sin and shame (Psalm 51:7)

Bitterness and blame (Ephesians 4:31)

Create in us a clean heart (Psalm 51:10)

Help us walk in newness of life (Romans 6:3-4)

That You came to offer in taking on our flesh (Isaiah 9:6)

And ultimately, once and for all, to pay our debt by Your death (Romans 4:25) 


-Joy Lynn

I Still Have Hope

On this day 16 years ago, I was nearly 16 and a half, the day my mom passed away.  In a single day, it felt like everything changed but it didn’t really.  I had to live in the same house, go to the same school and survive among the same people all trying to learn to get by with what felt like a missing part of our hearts. 



So how do I feel about today?  Well, it’s complicated.  It would feel negligent to not pause and remember the great impact my mom had on my life.  How having her in the first half of my life left an impact on how I would live the second half of it.  I do still miss her.  I hate that the memories fade as the distance grows.



But….in this second half of life, I’ve made new memories.  I’ve paved a new path…one I would have never imagined during the first half.  The faith that my parents possessed; her death was a stepping stone to making that faith my own.  That moment of shattered dreams led me to dependence on God which led me to independence and moving across the country to serve, then to study, and then to make it home.



So last night I considered Job, who went through the worst of losing it all, had to suffer and persevere but in the end, got twice what he had lost.  I wondered if at the end of his life, when he was looking at his double blessing if there was still room in his heart to remember what was missing that could not be replaced (his dead children).  The Bible doesn’t actually say but I have to imagine that he did.  That at times, he held blessing and sorrow in both hands.  How can you be so thankful for what God has done with the ashes and yet still hold in tension the real loss that those ashes represent? 



And so today, I stand in the tension.  In my life, I seek to honor you, mom, and the seeds that you planted and sowed in my life.  The footprints you left for me to follow and the Christ you pointed me to.  But I also appreciate what this second half of life has led to.  That making my faith my own was the best decision I ever made and it led me on a crazy journey of miles and memories to where I am at today.  This second half has included progress and continued healing.  It has brought growth of character and has been kept by lots of God’s grace.   



All this is to say, I love you and I miss you, but though you are gone, I still have Hope.  

Joy Lynn

Handing out Numbers

I sit on the steps alone

Hoping to be unseen.

Setting is pretty serene

Til you walk on the scene.



You sit beside me,

Inquire what’s wrong.

We sit in silence

Both determined to stay strong.



Finally the dam breaks,

I finally speak,

I begin the share from the depths,

"Life is honestly feeling pretty bleak."



You listen intently,

Take out paper and pen,

Start scribbling a number,

“This is where hope can begin…”



I take the piece of paper.

It was a hotline number you penned?

That’s for people who want dates,

And I simply want this date to end.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Numbers are great for those close to the edge

With no hope in sight

Unable to think of a friend

Who can carry their burdens

And lighten the load

But I surely hope

That’s not where everyone is forced to go

When they are down and depressed

Need a place to rest

With someone they know

Who has also seen them at their best

And is not just present in this crisis mode

But to navigate and journey

All the places this life will go

Because we all need friendship

A deeper heart connection

A place to be seen

And not fear rejection

So can we be friends,

Can we reach out?

Not simply hand out numbers

But be present when the bottom drops out?



Joy Lynn

Depend on You

What is my role here?

Do I belong?

Will I ever get used to this,

Or is it time to say “so long”?



I pour in my heart,

I pour out my soul,

I’ve invested countless hours,

God, it’s taking its toll.



But I know You’re in this,

Your work here is not done,

Though Your hand at work is often unseen,

It is still drawing them to Your Son.



So as many days as you gift me,

May I come to depend on You alone.

I pray earnestly that they will choose to follow You,

And will try to lay my burdens at the foot of Your throne. 



-Joy Lynn



“Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.” Hebrews 4:16

For The Times We Feel Weak

“Hey, long time no see,

It’s been a little bit since we met in my dreams,

But why are we here?

On the old high bridge?

It’s a nice view,

But when is the next train coming through?”



Traffic is slowing,

Blue lights swirl under toe,

A crowd is forming and facebook is buzzing,

Everyone throwing in their two cents,

Some scream “Just jump already!”

Or “please safely come down to the ground where it’s steady.” 



I sit down beside you,

Arm in arm,

Trying not to raise an alarm,

“Please talk to me and share your burden,

I can’t promise it’ll make everything light,

But I sure don’t wish for you to take flight.”



You can make it,

You’re not alone,

I can’t give you a solution,

But I know God sits on the throne,

So we wait and we trust and we pray and we seek,

And we lean on Him and others in these times we feel weak.

-Joy Lynn

Til we Reach that Golden Shore

This pressure in my chest,

Suppressed breath inside my lungs,

My heart aches watching them hurting,

I lift them up to God, above…



For I cannot remove their burden,

I can’t take away their pain,

I wish they wouldn’t feel lonely,

I wish they wouldn’t feel shame.



I can’t even promise “it’ll be okay,”

I can’t say “it’ll be over in time,”

Because this world we live on is a broken place,

And not everything gets better in our lifetime.



May we lift our eyes to Someone greater,

To the Creator of space and time,

Who lived, loved, suffered and died,

Body broken in order to bring wholeness to our lives.



Father, be their Refuge,

An anchor in the storm,

Hold them while they are crying,

Til we reach that golden shore. 

-Joy Lynn

What if the healing never comes?

A paralytic man, in his most broken state, is brought before Jesus (Matthew 9:2-8; Mark 2:3-12; Luke 5:17-25).  Jesus is well known in this time and throughout the region as not only a preacher but a healer.  Just imagine, this numbed man is lowered before the Lord, hopeful to be healed.   Jesus sees their faith and immediately extends the man a healing offer----forgiveness of sins.  You may know the end of the story.  Jesus doesn’t stop there but also heals the man’s body and he gets up and walks out of the place.

But I wonder….if the man simply laid there on his mat, at the feet of Jesus, and the only thing Jesus offered was forgiveness of all of his sins, if that would have been enough for him?  Could he remain in this terribly broken, frail body, continuing to pray for fleshly wholeness and be satisfied that his sins were forgiven and he would eventually experience true wholeness with Christ on the other side, in Heaven? 

Paul prayed fervently for healing/freedom from an unnamed thorn that was seemingly holding him back in life (2 Corinthians 12:7-10).  He concluded with God’s promise that His grace would be sufficient….healing wasn’t his to be had on this side. 

So what if the healing never comes?  Will He still be enough?

The Door

“I stand at the door and knock,” (Rev. 3:20)

Is what You say to me,

“Come, let’s sit down,

Chat and have a bite to eat.”



Hm, can we wait a bit?

There’s so much I need to clean,

My house has many cobwebs,

Many lightbulbs long been extinct.



Let me freshen things up,

Splash a new coat of paint,

Jab a broom at the cobwebs,

Before I let You in this space.



So I batten down the hatches,

Live reclusively,

Try to clean this up on my own,

Hardly able to breathe.



The dust and mold grow old,

In this house without windows,

The stacks of debris rise to the sky,

Hoarding every piece of my own history.



There You go knocking again,

I step out and close the door behind.

Jesus, I know You want in,

But I simply can’t let anyone inside.



It’s full of hazardous waste,

Honestly, a toxic dump,

This house should be condemned,

Simply burned from within.



“But that’s not My offer,

I want to free you from the stench,

To help you process the messes,

And sit with you, regardless.”



I’m not sure about this,

I’ve grown rather comfortable here,

It dark and it's dank,

But it’s what I hold dear.



“Well, My offer still stands,

There’s more to life than this,

You’ll be with Me in Heaven,

But I can also walk you through this.”



“I’ll sit in this mess,

We’ll work through it together,

I know you pray for “joy” constantly,

Well, I offer that kind of life abundantly!”  (John 10:10)



“Let me step into the door,

Let My light shine

In the darkest of corners

Through the hardest of times.”



“We’ll be in this together,

Not even just You and I,

For if you let them,

There’s a beautiful community on stand by.”



“But the choice is yours,

Do you want to be made well?” (John 5:6)

Hm, let me think about it….

I guess only time will tell….



Joy Lynn