A Call To Silence

A Call to Silence

Silence

Time to think

Free to hear

Not to speak

Listen

Hear Me clear

You may feel alone

But I am near

Rest here

Stay awhile

Take your eyes

Off the to-do pile

Take heart

I’m not through

You feel broken

I make things new

Joy Lynn

Broken Glasses

I woke up this morning,

Reaching out into the dark,

My wandering hand fumbles,

Finally, my fingers find there mark.

I put on my glasses and turn on the lights,

Why does the world still seem dark and not bright?

My eyes open and shut, but still all I see,

Is blurred visions of this image of me.

I shake off the confusion,

Determined to muscle through the day.

I’m consumed with my own thoughts,

Can’t seem to look away.

By noontime, I’ve had enough,

What’s with this sour mood?

Yes, life is hard but if God is good,

Why do I feel so misunderstood?

Over coffee I find an ear to hear,

I share how I want my vision to clear.

I take off my glasses and then my friend sees,

“I think the problem is with these.”

She handles my glasses, gently at first,

I brace myself, waiting to hear the worst.

“Here is the problem….. you can’t see…

Anything but yourself in mirrors like these.”

As she turns over the glasses, I see a reflection of me,

No wonder I can’t see, I’ve been deceived,

Thinking that if I watch out for my own interest,

I somehow would never be grieved.

But with all eyes on me,

I lost sight of God,

Trusting only in myself,

My confidence was flawed.

My friend broke my glasses, and handed me His Word,

“These self-centered glasses need to be nixed.

As you walk through your day,

It’s on God whom you should keep your eyes fixed.”

Here on my knees,

I find my vision restored,

In the good and in the bad,

There is peace when my eyes are on You, Lord.

Joy Lynn 

Always There

Just the other day, I had a vivid flashback to eighth grade.  I was sitting on a chair in the gym floor listening to Mr. Lott, the principal at the time speak.  I was probably one of like 50 students there, invited for an awards assembly of some sort.  As I sat there, I scanned the crowd and saw that though there was a small group of parents in attendance, my mom was sitting on the bottom bleacher.  I can’t remember what award I received that day, but I remember my proudest moment of that assembly.

I can’t remember if it was before the students received their awards or after, but Mr. Lott invited my mother to the podium and was commended by him, in front of everyone in attendance, for being one of the most dedicated supporters of her child’s education and educational programs at large.  Just that week, my mom and I had run into Mr. Lott at both the VMS choir and band concerts….and I didn’t participate in either.  I loved to go to those sort of things and I’m sure mom loved those things too, but I secretly think she also just really liked to go places with me….because I know without a doubt the reverse is the same.  So back to the memory…my proudest moment, was when my mother was being recognized for the amazing woman she was in public, by someone that had nothing to gain from his affirmation.

In short, the quality I will always always always remember about my mother was that she was there.  She was there at nearly all of my sporting events, open house, awards assemblies, concerts…you name it…if I was in it, she was at it.  But she also was a support of others and tried to make it to every event she could to show her support and care for those involved.  I don’t think there was much question of her loyalty or love to those blessed enough to call her family/friend.

So what I take away from this trip down memory lane, is that I want that legacy too.  I want my family, my friends, and my students to be able to say that I was there.  That I showed up, cheered on, and stayed around for the ride, whatever that looked like, through good and bad.  I may not be the most excitable person…may not always have the right words to say….but I was there to show I care.

She was always there…and though she’s no longer here, in my heart she’s always near.  I pray I turn out to be even a fraction of the godly woman that gave birth to me. 

Joy

Give Thanks In All (1 Thessalonians 5:18)

Give thanks in all, but what does that mean?

Sit back and pretend everything is serene?

I take in the view; don’t like what I see,

Show me You’re in this, I humbly plea,

For the world has gone crazy and people are lazy,

The outlook for the future, is at best, hazy.

So show me Your glory, that You’re in on this story,

Though the devil’s at work now, he’ll soon be sorry. (Said like a Canadian to keep with the rhyme scheme)

So with hands to the plow, keep my eyes fixed now,

Though I can’t see the end to this, in surrender I bow;

Knowing that You hold tomorrow, worry's not something to borrow,

I can trust You with today, in both joy and in sorrow.

So I praise You in this storm like it’s the norm,

Because it’s through grace like rain that You transform.

Joy Lynn

Thought Jot: Discipleship

This morning, I was listening to a Ladies Retreat and the speakers stated that they believed the difference between mentorship and discipleship was one of time/season.  Mentoring could last a season or even a few seasons but discipleship was a life commitment to taking or coming under one’s wing for a lifetime.  I found that to be very interesting and I’m not sure I’d be so distinct on the verbage but it did make me think about both the mentors and the disciplers (by their definition) in my life. 

First off, I think the hardest part about this concept is I don’t think anyone can actually truly know, going into a relationship with a person, how long it will last.  Relations with people are pretty dynamic and unlike buying flowers from a store, I don’t think we can always know ahead of time which friends will be seasonal and which will be perennial (and in clarifying, seasonal friends can still be lifetime friends...just their major/consistent involvement may only last a season).  For me, I keep my close circle pretty tight (not a lot of people in there) but I’m an all-in friend once you are allowed in.  But me being all-in doesn’t mean they always choose to stay or that the friendship stays looking the same. 

So how does it all fit together?  I can make a lifelong commitment to someone and say, I want to walk you through life for life, but I very well may fail in that commitment and they very well may find a new “discipler”….and that’s ok.  I think at the end of my thoughts, I’ve come to realize, that in both my relating to those I would say have mentored and discipled me through the years as well as those that I hope I have a mentor/discipleship role in their lives, that my true lifetime commitment needs not to be to these people exclusively but to my God….. trusting that He is weaving both my story as well as theirs, and will bring me in and out of lives for a moment or a day or a year or a decade but in that, trusting He’ll use each of those moments of deep connection to deepen my/their relationship with Him and strengthen the bonds of love. 

I am thankful for the disciplers and mentors I have and have had over the years.  Thank you for consistently pointing me to God even when I am in my lowest and especially when you are in your lowest.  Thank you for stepping into these chapters of my life and seeing me through to the next one.  Thank you for your distinct piece of thread, that God in his marvelous handiwork, has used to continue on the tapestry He is creating of my life.  Thank you for what you have poured in and I pray I am equally poured out through His Spirit and work in my life.  And thank You, dear Heavenly Father, for Your Son, Jesus Christ, who is the ultimate Discipler to whom I desire to follow each step of my life. 

In His Steps,

Joy Lynn

lies vs. Truth

What I see in the mirror,

Is not who I want to be,

Sometimes I don’t understand,

Why anyone befriends me.
Every day is a battle,

And some days I lose,

I believe all the lies,

My heart is easy to confuse.

Because it takes in all the negativity,

And gives it weight in reality,

While pushing away positivity,

Often with fierce brutality.

But when I look at His face,

Seek to bask in His grace,

Let the walls crumble down,

And rest in His embrace…

That’s when I finally see,

That the mirror is a liar,

Need to throw it in the fryer

For Your ways are higher.

When You look me in the eye,

You don’t see my sin and cry,

But instead You see Your Son,

Whose blood has drawn me nigh.

So when I am tempted to feed,

On the self hate and lies,

Remind me that

It’s never about how hard someone tries…

I can’t be perfect,

I may not be adored,

But there is beauty in these ashes,

And a heart You seek to be restored.

For my only worth is found in You,

And by You I was designed,

So may I run to the Truth,

And may Your peace I find.

Joy Lynn

Be Still

“Be still, my child”

She whispered across the way.

“Be still, my dear,

I’m on my way.”

I held the door open,

Foot nervously tapping,

My mind is moving so fast,

And my lips constantly flapping.

In a hurried frenzy

I share the events of the day.

I speak so loud and fast,

I barely heard her say…

“Be still, my child,

Don’t be dismayed.

Be still, my dear,

For this I prayed…”

This broken road?

I don’t know where to go!

What’s that you say?

This is how I’ll grow?

Growing is for grass,

And this is my undoing!

Down on your knees all this time…

That is what you were doing?

But this wasn’t my dream,

This can’t be real,

Mom, don’t you understand

Just how I feel?

I’m lonely and broken,

The road is unforeseen,

I wanted to stay there forever,

Let nothing come in between.

But instead of me leaving you,

You had to leave me.

Because the nest wasn’t meant to be forever,

And I had to be set free.

But I still hear you in the whispers,

Helping me face the pain.

“Be still, my dear,

For nothing is in vain.”

-Joy Lynn

The Next Big Thing---I Have Arrived

In high school I was prescribed the to-do list of what was to be done in order to obtain the “ideal American dream.”  This list included graduating from high school, going to college, getting a job, getting married, having kids, raising kids, having grandkids, and retiring with a hefty security fund because you were smart in all your years to save along the way.

I had a list similar to this but my perspective changed in 2009.  I had up to this point, checked off the right steps in the right order.  I graduated near the top of my high school class, completed my Bachelors on a full scholarship, obtained my Teaching Certification in the state of Texas and had a job offer on my desk.  Yay for living out the “dream” but I wasn’t satisfied with the next prescribed steps.  That ideal American dream I referenced earlier was not what I desired anymore.  God really had a hold on my life and I could no longer just sit and go through the motions…I wanted to follow Him wherever He led me, for richer or poorer, in sickness and health. 

So I detoured….  Instead of taking a promising job, I spent a year in New Brunswick studying the Bible.  Now what?  Well, the call that God was giving me was Christian education.  I would get to keep the job I love, the ministry I adore, and not get the security that a public school system could provide.  It would be great because it would keep me trusting in God  (insert both sarcasm and truth).  I am now entering my fourth year of teaching at a growing Christian school in New England.  I get to wear many hats as I teach math, history, PE, help with team sports and advise our Student Leaders.  It’s a good time when I really take in the privilege I have.

Speaking of wearing many hats...School Spirit Days.

In all reality, I’m living my dream.  In my three years here, the one piece of the puzzle that was missing that I saw as my “next step” was getting an apartment of my own.  That piece was placed in February of this year.  I’ve lived in my apartment for over 5 months now and I love it.

But this summer I looked around…….  I have friends that are on the cusped of having their first child.  Others that are in the midst of their child raising years.  Others who are married but aren’t quite ready for kids yet, but it is a discussion of when is the time.  Others, younger still, who are dreaming of life beyond high school and college, searching for the right career. 

And then there is me.  I was recently asked where I saw myself in 5 to 10 years.  I’ve been wrestling with that thought for almost 2 months now.  Of all the things I envisioned I needed for “growing up” and “settling down”, I have them.  I have a good job and a nice apartment and neither of them seem like they will be quick to send me packing.  I HAVE ARRIVED!!!!

But that’s scary!  I’ve lived a life of so many twist and turns, so many unforeseen adventures, and now I’m just going to settle down and call this place home?  It’s funny how much my heart screams for a place to call home and then when I may have found it, it questions, “are you sure, Lord?......is this it?” 

And to be honest, I am not sure.  I think my game plan will be to give this moment everything I’ve got, holding nothing back but holding the steering wheel of my life with a loose grip still, so that if God wants to turn the corner sometime, I’m willing to go where He leads with an open heart.  This means, this school year, I pray I come back with a renewed heart for my students, for the ministry opportunities that abound and a heart of service for our God.  Give me Your heart and eyes Lord…renew my joy and strength as the school year begins.  I have some dreams of what would be cool to happen in the future but for now I’ll keep plugging away a day at a time and see what God has in store for today.

What’s next for you?

Until next time,

In Christ,

Joy

Drama Queen

It has come to my attention that I can be a bit of a drama queen.  In my personalities arsenal is a cool, calm, and collected middle or an extreme low, “woe is me.”  There are rare extreme highs of happy hyper and little outward in-between modes.    Generally, the lows look like cool, calm and collected until a major (or minor) event occurs were I am at personal fault and suddenly life would be better without me.

Examples would be when I ordered curriculum without Adam’s permission and got called out on it which led me to almost submitting my resignation for the terrible thing I had done.  Going crazy when I accidently set a house alarm off on myself which caused the police to come and scope out the house.  Saying I quit counseling the many times I’ve failed as a summer staff (dress code, accidental “pranks”, devo-time accidents).  Just recently, I wanted to bury myself in a hole after setting a small grease fire in my kitchen.  None of these things amounted to permanent damage at all to physical structures or even to social damage with other people.  It all blew over rather quickly. 

But don’t try telling me that in the moment….even though I am so often trying to tell myself that in the moment.  It’s like hot and heavy emotions are competing with very sound logic and my emotions are winning and they are willing to make some very rash choices.  I so often try to hide from friends in this moment because it’s not pretty and I know in my head it’s not necessary, but unfortunately, I have indeed let friends in at this time….somehow they remain my friends when all is settled down (sometimes in just a few hours….sometimes days…). 

The funny part is, I don’t think I knew that was my tendency til recently when a friend called me out on it saying, “Joy, you’re so extreme.  Calm down…”  Then suddenly, I looked back and saw the dramatics….though I hope it’s not all for show.  In my heart, I HATE personally failing anyone, and when I do, I just lash out on myself and just bash and bash until I feel I have little to offer.  It’s like, I fail once and my whole career was a wreck, worthless, shambles and a lie. 

WHY IN THE WORLD DO I DO THIS????  Why is there no medium gear to my emotions?  And why am I so critical on myself that it sends me into a tizzy of potential great consequence?  But even more so, how do I stop it?  How do I gain some sense of sanity in this battle? 

I don’t have answers.  Only questions….and apologies.  I’m sorry for those who I have indeed let in to my inner circle and have been burnt by my flame outs.  I have found a root or at least a symptom of one…of a deeply rooted heart condition.  Any ideas on how to treat/cure it?  I’d appreciate anything you’ve got because I can’t just go all fire cracker on a whim…it’s not fair to those around me or close to me.  Thanks for any advice you’ve got and prayers.

Joy

Fairy Tales: I Found My Prince

I sit and wait, I wait for thee,

To sweep me off my feet and make me complete.

I guard my thoughts, I guard my heart,

I deprive temporary pleasures so I can give you my whole heart.

And in you come, sweeping me off my feet,

The moments I am not with you, I feel incomplete.

I can’t live without you, I humbly plea,

I dream of the day that your wife I would be.            

The ceremony is over, we both said “I do.”

Finally I got my wish, you’re stuck with me like glue.

We enjoy these precious moments as I rest in your arms,

As long as I am with you, life can do me no harm.

Time moves ever slowly, days turn into weeks,

I never imagined “becoming one” with you would make me feel so weak.

You know every part of me, even the secrets I long buried.

This vulnerability and transparency with one another has got us kind of wearied.

This isn’t what I pictured, the fairy tale of the heart,

I thought you’d be my everything and from me you’d never depart.

Am I asking too much from you, in being everything I need??

The hunger needs of my heart are more than you are able to feed.

Oh God, how long I’ve run from you, though You vowed to never let go.

Though I love and cherish my husband, it is You alone Who makes me whole.

You are my Source of everything, satisfaction, joy and love.

Now I can better love and appreciate my husband because it is only a picture of what I will enjoy with You in heaven above.

Obviously this is a work of fiction as I have no husband, but I do believe that the story line is very true/real.  I see so many girls, young women and even older women waiting for their “prince charming” to come and sweep them off their feet and be all they ever dreamed.  They soon realize that though it is said “two become one” in marriage, life is still incomplete.  We will never be able to find true and lasting joy, satisfaction, life and love from anything apart from Christ…..not your husband, your parents, your best friend, your mentors, your kids, your job, your money, your things…none will satisfy!  They will all fall short just as we fall short ourselves.

Now don’t get me wrong…I’m not against marriage, friendships or families…..I think they are a huge part of our hearts and lives…a great blessing from God, for certain.  But nothing is guaranteed to last, not material treasures, friendships nor human life itself….so we must come to God to fill our lives and make us complete.  As a good friend has asked me many times, if I lost everything in my life (my family, friends, car, etc.) would God be enough?  I need to find my contentment in Him now so if later I am blessed with a husband, I don’t put undue expectations on him but instead he can rest in knowing that God has my heart and we can both rest in that.  So instead of pursuing a fairy tale future, I will pursue contentment in Christ, and fall in love with the real Prince Charming, the Prince of Peace, Jesus Christ.

Until next time,

In Christ,

Joy Lynn

Originally written 1-15-2012. Reposted because contentment is a struggle and if I don't remember to look to God to fill the void, I'll just be aimlessly dreaming and searching for something that can't satisfy.