Spoken Word- Why Do I Do What I Do?

((I don't particularly love my voice, but this piece begged to be spoken word so I went with it...it's still a battle raging and this is still the prayer of my heart...))

God…
Why do I do what I do?
Certainly not for the pay…
Not fortune nor fame…
I’d like to think I do it,
To glorify Your name.

But I know I’m failing,
Pretty epically..
For my motivation is twisted
My eyes are set on me.
In this battle I’m losing
But I’m longing to be free…

Free of insecurity,
Free of expectation,
Free to let Your work be done
Without stipulation.
Humbly loving and planting seeds
And fleeing temptation…

Temptation to let the lows dictate my days,
Temptation to let emotions order my ways,
Temptation to grade my failures or success
On how many students pass or fail a test,
Or how many didn’t do their homework like the rest,
Or how many like me the best.

So bring me back
To the reason I’m here
I didn’t come all this way
To let depression and fear
Be the center of my life
And ruin my career.

I came to be a light
Reflecting Thee
To students who often
Remind me of a teenage me
Wandering through life
But lacking to see...

To see a life of faith lived out
Vulnerable and raw
Not without mistakes
Yet He catches every fall
Broken yet beautiful this walk
For He always hears us when we call.

So fix my eyes on You now
Help me to clearly see,
Help me to hear Your voice
Over the whispers of the enemy,
And draw these students to Yourself,
This I humbly plea.

-Joy Lynn