Why do I do what I do?

God…

Why do I do what I do?

Certainly not for the pay…

Not fortune nor fame…

I’d like to think I do it,

To glorify Your name.

But I know I’m failing,

Pretty epically...

For my motivation is twisted

My eyes are set on me.

In this battle I’m losing

But I’m longing to be free…

Free of insecurity,

Free of expectation,

Free to let Your work be done

Without stipulation.

Humbly loving and planting seeds

And fleeing temptation…

Temptation to let the lows dictate my days,

Temptation to let emotions order my ways,

Temptation to grade my failures or success

On how many students pass or fail a test,

Or how many didn’t do their homework like the rest,

Or how many like me the best.

So bring me back

To the reason I’m here

I didn’t come all this way

To let depression and fear

Be the center of my life

And ruin my career.

I came to be a light

Reflecting Thee

To students who often

Remind me of the teenage me

Wandering through life

But lacking to see..

To see a life of faith lived out

Vulnerable and raw

Not without mistakes

Yet He catches every fall

Broken yet beautiful this walk

For He always hears us when we call. 

So fix my eyes on You now

Help me to clearly see

Help me to hear Your voice

Over the whispers of the enemy

And draw these students to Yourself

This I humbly plea.

Until next time,

In Christ,

Joy Lynnn