Help Me, Please

Don’t get too close,

I’m not what you see,

What’s lurking inside,

Is insecurity.

I search to find love,

Joy and acceptance,

But why would you be friends,

With someone so reckless?

Why would they?

How could they?

Won’t they see?

These flaws in me…

So I wrestle with trust,

And constant testing

To see what’s real,

And check if you’ve left yet.

I don’t know why you’d stay

After all my pushing away

Why be friends with a jerk like me,

When you could otherwise be free?

I wish I knew how to stop the cycle,

Let you love me even if I’m psycho,

Not question motives and make you pass test,

But give you full trust by always assuming the best.

Lord, search me and find,

The brokenness inside of me,

Help me to know that despite the past,

I can trust in Thee.

And because I can trust You,

Help me to see,

That these friends of mine,

Are the real thing.

Help me to stop the madness and confusion,

Help me to love without restitution.

Help me to stop the banter and lies,

The lies that warp and take over my mind.

Open my eyes,

And help me to see,

That even if they did choose to leave,

I still have Your unending love and that’s free.

Joy Lynn