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Wednesday, May 28, 2014

Plans can be Idols

This time, 11 years ago, I would have never imagined and planned for living a life without my mom.

This time, 9 years ago, I would have never guessed I still had five years of formal schooling left (4 for bachelors and 1 for bible school).

This time, 7 years ago, I would never have dreamed that my plans to go to Maine for seven weeks would turn into nine weeks and then would turn into an every summer thing.

This time, 5 years ago, I had just graduated UTPA with a teaching degree and thought I’d go to Bible school and then come back and teach at IDEA…..yeah, that didn’t go as planned.

This time, 4 years ago, I was wrapping up things at NBBI and praying in earnest for a job at a Christian school, specifically one particular one in Canada but instead God sent me packing back to Texas to substitute teach of all things. 

This time, 3 years ago, I was making the most permanent move yet, moving to New Hampshire to teach at a Christian School that I didn’t even know existed 2 years prior to that. 

This time, last year, I would have never imagined the things that my school went through when it comes to tragedy and adversity but we are all the stronger for it.

This time, four weeks ago, I would not have painted the scenarios life has dropped in my life.  I wouldn’t have inserted the death, pain, tears and decisions that I would face in this last month but alas, here they are.

Knowing all that I know, you’d think I’d stop trying to be such a “planner.”  Knowing that God’s course for my life is not generally the one I foresaw, why do I even bother dreaming?  Is there in a danger of hoping, wishing, dreaming and pursuing?  No, unless you hold so tight to the ideal that any hiccup throws you for a loop.  That’s where I am at.  I idolize stability, norms and regularity.  Having a plan is a comfort zone for me and all these loops keep me out of my lazy boy and on my toes.  I’m rather skiddish on my toes.  I like to run and hide when the going gets tough.  I do my absolute best to prepare for every possible scenario and try to minimize potential let downs but life doesn’t bend to my will. 

Any why should it?  Why should God, who has the absolute best plan in mind, take into consideration my uneducated desires?  The adventure I call life hasn’t been easy but boy, has it been a ride drawing me ever closer to the anchor that holds me in my seat on this roller coaster. And did God ever promise it would be comfortable, anyway?  Everything in Scripture seems to be quite on the contrary to that. 

Lord, help me to have open hands and open eyes to see what You are doing, where You are leading and faith to know that I can face it even when it’s hard.  The easy door is not always the right one.  Help my heart to listen and obey.  Help me to trust and have faith.  Lord, I believe….please please please help my unbelief.  This is my prayer.

Joy Lynn

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