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Wednesday, December 25, 2019
Once Upon A Silent Night
So many years ago
On a seemingly silent night
I wonder if You heard
A young girl and her cries
She did not know the risks
She was far too young
She gave up everything
All in the name of love
Though You did not swoop in
You didn’t stop it at the time
I imagine You were there
Beside her as she asked “why?”
You listened close to her whispers
You offered Your presence
In the midst of her pain
Promising nothing would be in vain
Immanuel, God with us (Matthew 1:23)
I ask You to be with us now
For we are broken
Shattered within
On yet another silent night
Hear our lonely cries
Grant us healing and humbling
Even if we never know the why’s
Jesus, sent to save us from our sins (Matthew 1:21)
Come and cleanse us from within (Psalm 51:2)
From both sin and shame (Psalm 51:7)
Bitterness and blame (Ephesians 4:31)
Create in us a clean heart (Psalm 51:10)
Help us walk in newness of life (Romans 6:3-4)
That You came to offer in taking on our flesh (Isaiah 9:6)
And ultimately, once and for all, to pay our debt by Your death (Romans 4:25)
-Joy Lynn
Friday, November 1, 2019
I Still Have Hope
On this day 16 years ago, I was nearly 16 and a half, the day my mom passed away. In a single day, it felt like everything changed but it didn’t really. I had to live in the same house, go to the same school and survive among the same people all trying to learn to get by with what felt like a missing part of our hearts.
So how do I feel about today? Well, it’s complicated. It would feel negligent to not pause and remember the great impact my mom had on my life. How having her in the first half of my life left an impact on how I would live the second half of it. I do still miss her. I hate that the memories fade as the distance grows.
But….in this second half of life, I’ve made new memories. I’ve paved a new path…one I would have never imagined during the first half. The faith that my parents possessed; her death was a stepping stone to making that faith my own. That moment of shattered dreams led me to dependence on God which led me to independence and moving across the country to serve, then to study, and then to make it home.
So last night I considered Job, who went through the worst of losing it all, had to suffer and persevere but in the end, got twice what he had lost. I wondered if at the end of his life, when he was looking at his double blessing if there was still room in his heart to remember what was missing that could not be replaced (his dead children). The Bible doesn’t actually say but I have to imagine that he did. That at times, he held blessing and sorrow in both hands. How can you be so thankful for what God has done with the ashes and yet still hold in tension the real loss that those ashes represent?
And so today, I stand in the tension. In my life, I seek to honor you, mom, and the seeds that you planted and sowed in my life. The footprints you left for me to follow and the Christ you pointed me to. But I also appreciate what this second half of life has led to. That making my faith my own was the best decision I ever made and it led me on a crazy journey of miles and memories to where I am at today. This second half has included progress and continued healing. It has brought growth of character and has been kept by lots of God’s grace.
All this is to say, I love you and I miss you, but though you are gone, I still have Hope.
Joy Lynn
Thursday, September 19, 2019
Handing out Numbers
I sit on the steps alone
Hoping to be unseen.
Setting is pretty serene
Til you walk on the scene.
You sit beside me,
Inquire what’s wrong.
We sit in silence
Both determined to stay strong.
Finally the dam breaks,
I finally speak,
I begin the share from the depths,
"Life is honestly feeling pretty bleak."
You listen intently,
Take out paper and pen,
Start scribbling a number,
“This is where hope can begin…”
I take the piece of paper.
It was a hotline number you penned?
That’s for people who want dates,
And I simply want this date to end.
Numbers are great for those close to the edge
With no hope in sight
Unable to think of a friend
Who can carry their burdens
And lighten the load
But I surely hope
That’s not where everyone is forced to go
When they are down and depressed
Need a place to rest
With someone they know
Who has also seen them at their best
And is not just present in this crisis mode
But to navigate and journey
All the places this life will go
Because we all need friendship
A deeper heart connection
A place to be seen
And not fear rejection
So can we be friends,
Can we reach out?
Not simply hand out numbers
But be present when the bottom drops out?
Joy Lynn
Sunday, September 8, 2019
Depend on You
What is my role here?
Do I belong?
Will I ever get used to this,
Or is it time to say “so long”?
I pour in my heart,
I pour out my soul,
I’ve invested countless hours,
God, it’s taking its toll.
But I know You’re in this,
Your work here is not done,
Though Your hand at work is often unseen,
It is still drawing them to Your Son.
So as many days as you gift me,
May I come to depend on You alone.
I pray earnestly that they will choose to follow You,
And will try to lay my burdens at the foot of Your throne.
-Joy Lynn
“Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.” Hebrews 4:16
Monday, September 2, 2019
For The Times We Feel Weak
“Hey, long time no see,
It’s been a little bit since we met in my dreams,
But why are we here?
On the old high bridge?
It’s a nice view,
But when is the next train coming through?”
Traffic is slowing,
Blue lights swirl under toe,
A crowd is forming and facebook is buzzing,
Everyone throwing in their two cents,
Some scream “Just jump already!”
Or “please safely come down to the ground where it’s steady.”
I sit down beside you,
Arm in arm,
Trying not to raise an alarm,
“Please talk to me and share your burden,
I can’t promise it’ll make everything light,
But I sure don’t wish for you to take flight.”
You can make it,
You’re not alone,
I can’t give you a solution,
But I know God sits on the throne,
So we wait and we trust and we pray and we seek,
And we lean on Him and others in these times we feel weak.
-Joy Lynn
Saturday, August 31, 2019
Til we Reach that Golden Shore
This pressure in my chest,
Suppressed breath inside my lungs,
My heart aches watching them hurting,
I lift them up to God, above…
For I cannot remove their burden,
I can’t take away their pain,
I wish they wouldn’t feel lonely,
I wish they wouldn’t feel shame.
I can’t even promise “it’ll be okay,”
I can’t say “it’ll be over in time,”
Because this world we live on is a broken place,
And not everything gets better in our lifetime.
May we lift our eyes to Someone greater,
To the Creator of space and time,
Who lived, loved, suffered and died,
Body broken in order to bring wholeness to our lives.
Father, be their Refuge,
An anchor in the storm,
Hold them while they are crying,
Til we reach that golden shore.
-Joy Lynn
Monday, August 19, 2019
What if the healing never comes?
A paralytic man, in his most broken state, is brought before Jesus (Matthew 9:2-8; Mark 2:3-12; Luke 5:17-25). Jesus is well known in this time and throughout the region as not only a preacher but a healer. Just imagine, this numbed man is lowered before the Lord, hopeful to be healed. Jesus sees their faith and immediately extends the man a healing offer----forgiveness of sins. You may know the end of the story. Jesus doesn’t stop there but also heals the man’s body and he gets up and walks out of the place.
But I wonder….if the man simply laid there on his mat, at the feet of Jesus, and the only thing Jesus offered was forgiveness of all of his sins, if that would have been enough for him? Could he remain in this terribly broken, frail body, continuing to pray for fleshly wholeness and be satisfied that his sins were forgiven and he would eventually experience true wholeness with Christ on the other side, in Heaven?
Paul prayed fervently for healing/freedom from an unnamed thorn that was seemingly holding him back in life (2 Corinthians 12:7-10). He concluded with God’s promise that His grace would be sufficient….healing wasn’t his to be had on this side.
So what if the healing never comes? Will He still be enough?
Sunday, August 11, 2019
The Door
“I stand at the door and knock,” (Rev. 3:20)
Is what You say to me,
“Come, let’s sit down,
Chat and have a bite to eat.”
Hm, can we wait a bit?
There’s so much I need to clean,
My house has many cobwebs,
Many lightbulbs long been extinct.
Let me freshen things up,
Splash a new coat of paint,
Jab a broom at the cobwebs,
Before I let You in this space.
So I batten down the hatches,
Live reclusively,
Try to clean this up on my own,
Hardly able to breathe.
The dust and mold grow old,
In this house without windows,
The stacks of debris rise to the sky,
Hoarding every piece of my own history.
There You go knocking again,
I step out and close the door behind.
Jesus, I know You want in,
But I simply can’t let anyone inside.
It’s full of hazardous waste,
Honestly, a toxic dump,
This house should be condemned,
Simply burned from within.
“But that’s not My offer,
I want to free you from the stench,
To help you process the messes,
And sit with you, regardless.”
I’m not sure about this,
I’ve grown rather comfortable here,
It dark and it's dank,
But it’s what I hold dear.
“Well, My offer still stands,
There’s more to life than this,
You’ll be with Me in Heaven,
But I can also walk you through this.”
“I’ll sit in this mess,
We’ll work through it together,
I know you pray for “joy” constantly,
Well, I offer that kind of life abundantly!” (John 10:10)
“Let me step into the door,
Let My light shine
In the darkest of corners
Through the hardest of times.”
“We’ll be in this together,
Not even just You and I,
For if you let them,
There’s a beautiful community on stand by.”
“But the choice is yours,
Do you want to be made well?” (John 5:6)
Hm, let me think about it….
I guess only time will tell….
Joy Lynn
Tuesday, July 30, 2019
Memories of You
I set out my easel
And prepare my pallet
With various colors of invisible ink
Where I attempt to paint you from memory
Streak by streak
Sweat forms over my brow
As my brain tries to think
Sorting through pictures
And thoughts shared from others
Of who you once were to me
I grab the paint brush
I try to begin
I dip into the ink
Draw a few cascading lines
For the wellspring you were to me
I close my eyes
And continue to paint
Trying to filter
And paint only
What is verifiably true
My heart beats loud
My thoughts are blazing
But my hand is meticulously still
For the fool proof memories
Are evading me still
My session is over
My eyes open
I stare at the canvas with care
I painted every single memory of you
And yet only my shadow can be seen there
Joy Lynn
Thursday, July 25, 2019
Love Tank = Bottomless Pit
Have you ever heard of the term “love tank”? It’s a descriptive term for one’s heart being a figurative gas tank of sorts. Moments of happiness and joy make the tank rise closer to “contentment” and may come in the form of gifts, quality time spent with a love one, affirming words, generous acts of services or cuddling. The list truly is endless and the input quantity really varies from person to person. But the tank also drains energy through the day, minute by minute, breath by breath.
I’ve been guilty of using this phrase in the past but just recently I got to thinking and realized….my love tank is a stinking bottomless pit. Edward Welch in his book, When People are Big and God is Small, says his love tank had a leak, and honestly, I find mine does too. No matter what I do or anyone else does for me, it may bring some lightness to my days, but I tend to be someone whose inputs leak out faster than they are coming in. I’m definitely an Eeyore, if you are familiar with the character from Winnie the Pooh. It’s been something by nature that as much as I’d like to rewire my brain and accept and hold more goodness in my life so that maybe my “love tank” can be closer to full, I’ve just never had that sort of lasting contentment and joy in the day to day.
The richest man in the world was once asked, “how much more money do you need to be happy with what you have?” to which he replied, “just a little more.”
The truth is, we aren’t built to find contentment in money or people or things but in God. I know that. I’ve known that. And now I wrestle with how to practically apply and live in light of that Truth. To let Him fill me up so that I can be poured out. To enjoy the gift of friendship without suffocating it. Maybe someday I’ll be able to kill the spider of dependency…. Hopefully soon.
Ephesians 3:14-19
“When I think of all this, I fall to my knees and pray to the Father, the Creator of everything in heaven and on earth. I pray that from His glorious, unlimited resources He will empower you with inner strength through His Spirit. Then Christ will make His home in your hearts as you trust in Him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep His love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.”
Joy Lynn
Wednesday, July 24, 2019
God of the Gray
I was trapped
There in the middle seat
Between two burly men
With their ears plugged by headphones
As I stared at the seat back in front of me
It was dark and though the sun was out
It was just out of reach
Because on either side of me
The window passengers had closed the shades
So I sat in the gray
Staring off into space
Headspace that is
Wondering what it looked like outside
I wondered when the plane shook
Uncontrollably for just a few moments
If we were in the clouds
Because I have found turbulence seems to be worse in the clouds
When you can’t see anything
And feel like you’re in God’s toy airplane in the sky
Except God went full crazy toddler on you
And is rocking you up and down
And then you finally emerge above the clouds
And reach cruising altitude for a while
But I couldn’t see the clouds
I couldn’t see the sun or the sky
One flight I was sure we were in rain
But I couldn’t see that either
Just American Airlines gray
Staring off into space
Wondering where this journey
Would take me
Not just physically
Across the country I know
But in places and spaces
Tucked away at the heart
Holding my breath and waiting
Waiting to take in the growth and destruction I’d see
That not only took place in the Valley
But also inside of me
Because as much change as my homeland has seen
God’s done some major renovation inside of me
To the point that I wondered
Would they recognize me?
Would they remember who I was
Or take me as I am
Or see the potential still within me
Because I am not yet
Who I want to be
See this isn’t the final destination
But a journey of a lifetime
And the worst part of this flight I am on
With those windows shades pulled down
Means I never know when it’s going to land
For all I know I’ve been flying in circles
But that would be a waste of gas
God, I’m not sure when You’ll clear me
For my final landing
As I feel like I’ve been sinking for some time
But I can’t see the ground
So I have to trust You
And Lord, instead of bracing for impact
Help me to fly with purpose
With my eyes on You
Because You are a God of grace
And a God of the gray.
Joy Lynn
Today I Bleed
Hey, got a second?
Can we walk over there?
No, I don’t want to talk,
Just want to get out of here.
My mind is a prison
And it’s holding my body hostage.
Tired of being “on”,
Quite frankly I’m exhausted.
I just need a place to break down;
I usually do that alone.
But maybe it’s a bit healthier,
If I don’t do this on my own.
Frankly, I hardly have the time
And honestly neither do you.
So maybe I’ll just keep it to myself
And just continue to push on through.
I read a quote the other day,
It feels remarkably true,
About where I’m at currently
And what I’ll eventually do.
Sir Andrew Barton, a pirate after a battle said:
“I am hurt but I am not slain.
I’ll lay me down and bleed awhile,
Then I’ll rise and fight again.”
So today I bleed,
In hopes that tomorrow I can smile.
I’ll ride these waves til I get to shore,
Just to fight to walk another mile.
Sunday, July 14, 2019
Lay Down Your Guard
“Hi there,
It’s only me.
Please don’t go away;
I’ll simply be.”
I sit beside you
Let you take lead
Tears fall down your face now
As your heart bleeds
“Let down your guard.
It’ll be ok.
No matter what you lay down;
I won’t run away.”
You start from the beginning
Weave through the threads of life
Take a moment to remember the good times
But also share some of the strife
You splay your heart right open
You share transparently
It’s the first burst of light shone in a dark place
That you’ve guarded inherently
I gently peel back the onion
Not taking for granted the trust you have shown
And I try to love and point you to Jesus
Where true healing and forgiveness can be known
Know that I see you
You are not alone
And I thank you for sharing
For this is where seeds of true friendship are sown
Sunday, February 3, 2019
Please. Let. Me. In.
Please know….I see you…
I see you stooped at the bar,
Pen in hand, scribbling almost…incoherently,
Eyes clouded by tears, teeth clasped shut,
Beads of sweat form as thoughts run fast.
-------------------------------------------------
How can I let them all know,
It’s not them, but its me?
I can’t fight this anymore,
My defenses are low and strength run thin,
I can’t make that desperate call again…
So many distraught thoughts and vague texts,
I can’t continue to drag you through this mess.
It’s not fair to you, this roller coaster I am on.
You didn’t ask to ride this,
So it’s time to say “so long.”
I’m sorry it has come down to this,
I couldn’t take it anymore.
I am done with holding everyone back,
So run your race with joy….
The thing I could never quite grasp myself.
I know and can reason within my head,
But my wicked heart speaks up once again,
“You’ll never make it, you can’t keep this up,
You try your best but IT WILL NEVER BE ENOUGH,
You might as well give up.”
----------------------------------------------------------
I see you, please put down the pen,
Put down your weapon of choice
And choose life again.
It’s dark now
But don’t let it be the end.
Please let Me in…
Please.
Let.
ME.
In.
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